He was bristly, gristly, frisky and mean
With a long crooked nose like a green runner bean
On the rarest of moments when he did smile
His grin made him look like a cruel crocodile
He was stubby, grubby, blubbery round the gut
With eyes so small they looked almost shut
Upon his forehead grew a huge hairy wart
His skin greyish yellow, his cheeks tight and gaunt
He was stinky, wrinkly, blinky when he spoke
And oh how he frightened the other townsfolk
So he lived in a hut on the edge of the wood
Plotting and scheming -he was up to no good
He was wimpy, scrimpy, dimply and weak
Only picking on those who were timid and meek
So when the nice children came out to play
Behind a huge thorn bush he patiently lay
He would shiver, quiver, dither around
His stomach was a-grumblin’ –a terrifying sound!
Then with a great leap and an almighty moan
He would pounce on the children and drag them back home
They were screamy, teary, weepy and afraid
As he piled them inside a huge pie that he’d made
Then into the stove until crispy and hot
And when they were ready he wolfed down the lot!
They were crunchy, munchy, scrunchy as he ate
But to Mr Bristles they tasted just great
He swallowed them down with a great mug of slime
And when he was finished he felt mightily fine
He was reeky, sleepy, creepy as he crept
Towards a great pile of dung which was where that he slept
And within a millisecond he was fast asleep
Dreamin’ pleasant dreams of sweet kittens and sheep
It was a dusky, blustery, flustery night
But through the deep darkness came a pinprick of light
The most courageous of farmers Ruddy Mc Trog!
Came a chargin’ through trees on his valiant hog
With a thundering, murdering, curdling roar
He galloped right up to old bristles front door
‘You ate all our children you vile old beast
And so now in revenge it’s on you we shall feast!’
With a sleazy, sneezy, wheezy gasp
Bristles jumped out of bed –he had to think fast
So the threw down some slime on the ground by the door
So when Ruddy burst in he slipped to the floor!
There was a grabbling, struggling, muddling fight
That lasted for hours into the night
As though foul old Bristles was puny and small
Brave Ruddy was hurt by his tumbling fall
With a snatching, sneering, leering crunch
On Ruddy’s sweet face did old Bristles munch
Until he’d devoured his entire head
And Bristles had won, for Ruddy was dead
So you skipping, giggling, kiddies beware!
Don’t go play in the woods without taking great care
For Bristles lives on –and trust me it’s true
He’d like nothing more then a pie made of you!